Dear Future Boo (LOL)

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This is a funny post, but I am dead serious about what I am about to say. It’s just me thinking out loud about my standards and things that I think about from time to time.

Being in my single season of life I am loving it! There are certain things that you get to do when you are single, like not caring about what anyone has to say about your decisions, not having to consult with anyone over everything. Not caring about someone else’s feelings. I know it sounds so blunt, but it’s the truth. I know that I have ALOT of growing to do because I got out of a toxic relationship and I am going to have to be very careful who I give my time, attention, and heart to. GOD put it in my heart and told me that I am going to get married again, but the next time that I get married there will be no option for divorce. That word will not be allowed in my household. Even though being in a relationship is not the #1 thing on my mind, I do think about it from time to time, and even wrote down what I believe GOD put in my heart.

It’s funny because the things that I value now, are not the things that I would have valued 15 yrs ago (before I got married), or even 1 yr ago. Of course I pray about this and when I really think about it I am so grateful that the Lord has put it on my heart to get married again, because I have heard and seen women who are bitter because of previous relationships. I still value marriage and see marriage in a different light now that as a believer in Christ I have a different perspective on relationships and marriage.

But this was meant to be a light post (hence the title) so I won’t go too deep. But these are just a few things that I would like my future boo (haha) to know about me and about what my expectations are:

Dear Future Boo:

  • You gotta be a man of GOD! I need a leader and the only way that I can trust that you will lead the household is if you are putting GOD first in your life also.
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  • I can be goofy at times! Like extremely goofy!! You’re going to have to have a sense of humor and we have to bounce our jokes off of each other (making fun of everything and everyone, even ourselves and our kids) LOL

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Speaking of making fun of kids you have to have kids! I want someone that understands the role of a parent and are ACTIVE in their child/children’s lives. Blended Family here we come!! LOL

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I am a go-getter and very passionate about the things in life, and I expect you to be passionate about your call in life also (I believe that our purpose will align)

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  • You gotta know how to build things (put things together), because I HATE to do this, and be my savior for killing bugs, ( I’m scared of them)

  • I want to take trips together as a family and us alone, I want to do things like hiking and camping, and go on road trips

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There’s a lot more! Don’t know what they are right now! LOL. But time will reveal these things. I pray that I will be the exact woman that you are needing me to be for you, and for you to be that exact man that GOD is preparing specifically for me.

So…see ya FUTURE BOO!

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You know my motto: “Never get too comfortable always keep GOD first”

Sincerely,

Keisha

 

The Family Unit (my view)

I just got through watching a film called IF IT AIN’T BROKE “Black Folks and The Family Structure”. IT WAS GREAT. I think that it served it’s purpose which was to provoke my thoughts. It had me thinking…thinking some more…and thinking again…

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It was a documentary about the African American family unit. The documentary gave history that stems from slavery and the effects. I was forced to really dig into what my view are on the issue. I had to start with my views on slavery:

My view: Since I have been a little girl, I have learned about the detrimental effects on slavery. I learned what happened, how it happened, when it happened, and so forth. I remember sitting in a class one time, and we were learning about slavery and the civil rights movement, and I could see some of my fellow students that weren’t black getting uncomfortable. In my young frame of mind, of course it was sad, but since it did not “directly” affect me and my family is originally from Belize, a small place in Central America, I thought that I was kinda immune. But as I got older and I started to get more mature and more education, it became obvious that this still affects us as people even today. We are a direct result of our past and we can choose to either educate ourselves and learn from our past or be ignorant to our truths. Your choice.

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My Experience: I myself came from a single parent home. My mom had my brother and I and my dad was never around. He would pop up every once in awhile. She tried her absolute best, and I must say that she did a GREAT job!

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Hahaha! Ok all jokes aside, she taught us how to be independent, always let us know that we are capable, had really high expectations of us, and always supported and pushed us beyond our limits.

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Good Job Mom!!!

My mom eventually got married, and had 3 more kids. My step-dad stepped up to the plate, and provided a stable home environment for myself and my siblings. I truly appreciate him for that.

When I was younger I remember seeing commercials on television with families going to Disneyland (and you would see the mom, dad, sister, and brother). I would think that all we are missing is our dad, we have everything else. The way that the media portrays things, it’s like this “perfect life”, and if you do not have that, and have not had the opportunity to gain security from when you are little, then you will pick up on anything, any image, any direction that any one gives you, you will take it.

(You know I gotta bring Christ into this)…Family is EXTREMLY IMPORTANT in the eyes of GOD. This is why it is very important that we put our faith in HIM, and be wise enough to be guided by HIM. God has made it very clear the role of a husband, wife, and kids (Ephesians 5:21). It is instructed for the man to be the head of the household, the wife to honor her husband, and the kids to honor their parents. But in order for this to happen the family has to put and keep GOD FIRST. Without that we don’t have much hope. And we all know how hard it is to live life, but when we do not shield ourselves with the protection of GOD, then the enemy and the things of this world sure will make their mark and decide our fate before we even have a chance. As it also says in Ephesians 6:10 (and I have to put it in this so you can read it because it is so powerful).

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the FULL armor of GOD, so that you can take you stand against the devil’s schemes. For  our struggles is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the FULL armor of GOD, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of GOD. ”

When I sat down to really digest this verse I believe that GOD was speaking to my heart and telling me so much. Although when I first read this it was for something totally different I cannot help but to bring it up on this topic. You see we are in a battle, if you are living life (and if you are reading this then you are LOL), but we are living a life that is FULL of challenges. That is why the family unit has to be STRONG, as a husband and a wife you guys have to have each other’s back!

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There are too many distractions out there that makes it too easy to get off course. KEEP YOU EYES ON THE LORD!!!

My perspective on kids: We have to invest in our kids. We need to pay attention to our roles in their lives. As their mothers, fathers, care givers etc. we have been given the privilege to be the best that we can be in their lives. This is why it is important to stay focused because someone else will do the work for you. Without a father in the home boys do not have an example to look up to, they don’t have someone to teach them how to be men, teach them how to treat women, teach them how to be responsible. Yes the mom can be a GREAT MOM, I am a result of a single mom, and I am currently a single mom. Although it is hard to raise a young man on my own, I am making it my sole responsibility to be the best mom that I can be for him, as I do not want him to be looking for attention and love anywhere else (i.e. gangs, drugs, women). And for my girls, I HAVE a responsibility to them to be a GREAT EXAMPLE to them, to show them an example of the kind of women they should/can grow to become, so that they do not turn to (men, addictive behaviors, drugs etc.).

I know that EVERY ONE OF MY DESCISONS that I make directly affects my family. Good or bad; they have consequences to it. I know that my divorce is and will affect my children, it will and have affected all of us. I can only hope and pray that I am doing my best to make sure that I am modeling the type of woman that they are needing in their lives.

When I think about the kind of woman that I want to be for them and for myself, I have no choice to rely on Christ, and what HE told me. He said that I am” His handwork”, He said that I am “Fearfully and Wonderfully made”, He told me to be “strong and courageous” He said that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. I believe HIS promises, and knowing this has allowed me to have the confidence that my kids will EXCEED, my future looks bright, and I will not settle!

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I encourage you to take a look at your family unit, it doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, Mexican, Asian, low-income, middle-class, married, divorce, single, the list goes on; don’t let your past, (things that you did not have, relationships that could have been better, excuses) to define who you are and what you are capable of now.

I hope that you were blessed by this post.

Always remember “Never get too comfortable always keep GOD first”.

Sincerely,

Keisha

 

Celibacy and what it looks like for me: Inspired by the book The Wait

The Wait

By: DeVon Franklin and Meagan Good

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This book was so good, that I read it 2 times! And I am in the midst of getting ready to read it again. It obviously is worth it to read, take it all in, and read it again.

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If you are not aware of this couple is, I encourage you to do a little research. I do not want to go into details about their background, but I will say that they are a couple of PURPOSE. God has and is still definitely working in their lives to fulfill His expectation of opportunity for His people. This might be a little deep, but let me go into what I mean: As a believer in Christ I truly believe that God has a Purpose for each and every one of us while we are here on earth. He has given us the tools to be able to do what He is needing us to do, it is up to us on whether or not we want relish into what He has for us.

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(yep, that’s you chilling, and then realizing that GOD has a plan for your life).

So what does this have to do with The Wait you ask? It has ALOT to do with it.

When GOD made man and woman, yes HE made us to be attracted to one another, and to have relationships with one another, but HE did not create us so that we could be abusive to one another (meaning discouraging, and living carelessly). He wants to be apart of our lives and wants us to seek Him in EVERYTHING THAT WE DO! Once we make the decision to seek HIM and His guidance, He will start to show us exactly what He wants us to do with our lives, guiding and protecting us, and He will allow people to come into our lives when we are ready. HE will allow relationships to happen (or not to happen) because He has our best interest at heart.

Ok, ok, so here is the book review. DeVon and Meagan are a couple that are in the entertainment industry ( we all know all of the influences that are all around us in life, but adding being a public figure in there must be twice as hard). So they were both single at one point and before they were brought together they both made the decision to give their life over to GOD and they were both tired of being in destructful and meaningless romantic relationships. They both decided (though at different times) that they were going to be celibate until they got married. Let me stop right there, YES they decided to not have sex until marriage.  I know that this is some of the reactions that are happening!

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SHOCK

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“FREAKING OUT” (no sex! who would ever do such a thing)

Just “no”

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“You trippin”

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Confusion “Yes I can…no I can’t”

First let me explain what being Celibate means: Celibate meaning abstaining from sex voluntarily. In the midst of doing this you will be able to focus on so much more. Not only for yourself but for the people around you. It allows you to actually really build a relationship that has a foundation and not just making decisions based on our emotions and blindness because of our actions. You see, when you have sex with someone casually and outside of marriage, not only does it take a piece of you away and attach it to that other person, but you are doing yourself a disservice by allowing someone to violate your wholeness. When you enter a relationship you want to go into knowing yourself, and knowing what you are worth, when you “give” of yourself it can be very dangerous and you tend to lower your standards, and compromise in the relationship. If you make a commitment to GOD and honor HIM by allowing HIM to take the drivers seat in your life, while you (yes do the hard work that it takes to become the person you were set out to be), but believe me He will guide you and give you the strength that you need to accomplish what He has put in your heart.

Here is a couple of scriptures that comes to mind when I think of this subject and how GOD has already given us what we are needing to accomplish His will.

1 Corinthians 8:34-35

An unmarried woman is concerned of the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted the Lord in both body and spirit.

Corinthians 9:24

The Need for Self-Discipline

Do you know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Being celibate is a choice and it’s a choice to be able to give yourself a chance and the best thing that comes to mind when I think about this is “investing in yourself”. I know that it is hard, and if you are actively dating then it harder, and if you are in a relationship it has to be one of the hardest thing ever! But think about the rewards and the joy that comes along with honoring your body, and not giving it away to just anyone. Think of all the heartache that you will not have to endure and seeing people for who they truly are when you allow yourself time to really see what type of person you are dealing with.

I will use myself for an example. If I would have made the choice to wait instead of being physical with my ex-husband I might not have went through all of the things that I went though, I wouldn’t have been trying to “make” our relationship work. I wouldn’t have been making excuses for all of his poor actions, and wouldn’t have compromised myself and my worth just to make something work out with him. Don’t get me wrong I believe that I had to go through all of that in order to get to where I am at now. And putting myself in that toxic relationship has allowed me to view things differently, and is giving me the opportunity to start fresh and to depend on the wisdom of GOD (that He will bring someone in my life that He has made specifically for me). Let me go more into this: because I went through what I went through I am learning to appreciate a what a real man is and is supposed to be. I am learning that GOD is the best matchmaker for me, He knows what I need, what I want, who can handle my attitude, whose attitude I can handle and so forth. I am learning that He has all of this orchestrated for me already, and that I need to be ready and who ever He has for me need to be ready also, because when He brings us together WE WILL BE AWESOME! We will be expected to hold each other accountable to what He has brought together, we will be expected to Put GOD FIRST IN ALL THINGS, we will be expected to be an example to those around us.

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I encourage you to take the time to really think about this and most of all pray about it. See what GOD is trying to tell you. No I do not have all of the answers, but since I have made the decision to honor the Lord with my mind and body I have been seeing the fruits of obeying Him.

I hope that you were blessed by this post.

Always remember “Never get too comfortable, always keep GOD first”.

Sincerely,

Keisha

 

Book Review (well not officially) but MY review! “Suddenly Single Mom”

Suddenly Single Mom:

I have started reading again, and boy does it feel good. I remember when I was younger I would (from the time I was in 2nd grade till being a young adult) I have been an avid book reader. I LOVE TO READ!!!

But as life changed, and I became a parent, an employee, and my responsibilities got greater, it became increasingly difficult to continue my passion. But the same way that I found myself deterring from reading, is the same way that I found myself coming back to my first love! LIFE CHANGES!

One of my goals have been to start reading more, and it has been a little hard, (especially in the beginning). But I just started with setting my goal of reading a new book every month. I decided that every payday I will order 1 or 2 books ( I even made a list of the books that I would like to get).  So in the first month I didn’t read anything, but it’s all good right?

Yeah I was a little hard on myself (making excuses about not having any new books to read), so that is how I came up with buying a new one every payday…but in the mean time I just re-read books that I had already. ( I will write about those in another post).

One of the first books that I would love to review (or let you know about) is a book that I purchased in Walmart called Suddenly Single Mom by Jaenette Hanscome. First of all I would like to say that I LOVED THIS BOOK! It made me laugh, cry, inspired me and everything else you can in between.

The title is the thing that caught my eye. Suddenly single mom, (that is the position that I am in), so when I picked up the book, I started to read what it was about so that I can see if it was something that I would hold my interest. So it did! And I bought it! And I am so glad that I did. So let me dig in and tell you about it.

Suddenly Single Mom is about a mother Jaenette Hanscome, that finds herself “suddenly single” (hence the title), but she was a married woman with 2 boys, and while she was on vacation she received an e-mail from her husband, that the marriage was officially ending, (they were separated for awhile, but she had hopes that they would be able to work things through). Anyway in the midst of becoming a single mom she relied HEAVILY ON GOD. Even in the way that she got the news that her husband wanted to end the marriage, (being on vacation, and surrounded by family, was one way that she seen how GOD was taking care of her all along. To take that situation and see how GOD’S presence was there shows great faith and courage. And that is what happens through out the whole book!

The reason why I love it so much is that it is obviously relatable (to single moms out there), but it was almost like she knew everything that I was going through, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. She addressed everything from her struggles when it first happened to income, to being worried about the boys not having their father around as much as they had in the past, to possibly dating, friends and family, the list goes on. And in every chapter I FEEL LIKE SHE IS TALKING TO ME! Along with her talking about these things, she adds a scripture and a question for us to ponder.

I do not know how legal it is to add anything from the book, so I do not want to do that, (a sista is not trying to get in trouble), but I honestly recommend this book to the single moms out there, especially ones that may be struggling with feelings of guilt, anxiety, or feeling unsure. This book will let you know that you ARE NOT ALONE.

Well I can’t resist, ( I hope I don’t get in trouble for this), but I have to give a few of my favorite quotes from the book.

Since being a (recently divorced woman, and a single mom of 3 kids), I have been through an array of emotions. I go from happy, to content, to sad, to angry, to disappointed! I think you get my point.

There was one day that I was feeling completely overwhelmed! I was invited to be on a panel at a church to speak to people about the dangers of being in an unhealthy relationship, my son is transitioning to high school, and work has been a little crazy. I remember going to the gym, (and riding the bicycle), and taking my the book so that I could read while I was doing my exercise, and in just a few chapters, the author captured all of my worries. There is a chapter called “Father Figures”, she tells the story of how her sons were being blessed with father figures around them, and that GOD has ways of using the people around us to fulfill what we NEED. This brings me to something that happened to me recently, as we were getting ready for bed my oldest daughter (who is 8 yrs old), told me “mom, do you know that we have 2 dads?”

I stopped what I was doing to give her my full attention, ( honestly I was a little worried about what she meant), I mean I am not dating anyone one. Is my child a prophet? Is she predicting my future? LOL. Anyway, so I asked her “what do you mean you have 2 fathers”

She said “yea, we have daddy, and GOD is our dad also”

As she was speaking that, I got so emotional. I didn’t cry, but in my heart I was so overjoyed. It wasn’t until my husband and separated that I fully turned my life over to the Lord. And since then I have been making it my business to be an example to my kids. So I pray with them, I show them how to pray, I talk to them about GOD…but to see the fruit of what I am trying to instill in my children it is overwhelming. But to know that the glory of GOD is in them even with all the hurt and pain that they may be feeling because of the change in their lives. That can only be worked out through GOD.

There is another chapter in the book called “Messed Up”

In this chapter Jeanette shares stories on how she was concerned on how her sons performance and progress. But in the midst of her divorce her kids were still excelling!

You see I work in a child development setting, (I am a supervisor for a child development program), I have my degree in Human Development, so I am knowledgeable in how important it is for kids to have consistency in their lives. I see kids that have 2 parents a big house, nice cars, and anything that their hearts can ask for, but the parents are not there for their child, or foster kids that come into the program (sometimes being taken care of to the bare minimum of the families that are serving them). So of course I am naturally concerned about how my decisions may affect my kids, (especially when it comes to something so detrimental as divorce). But in Suddenly Single Mom, the author has made it very clear, that I am not the only one battling with these issues, and frankly it feels GREAT!

I really suggest this book to my fellow single parents, it is allows for us to know that we are NOT alone. It is so worth it.

I hope that you are blessed by this post.

Always remember “Never get too comfortable, always keep GOD first”

Sincerely,

Keisha